On dreaming of running, dreaming of a house, and that time I wanted to break up with exercise…

I’m not gonna lie. I HATE working out. Hate it. And I think I hate it because I suck at it. I had a dream last night that I was running. I was in full (fancy pants) running gear and I felt like I was flying. My legs felt long and lean and strong and my lungs weren’t burning. My chest didn’t feel like it was going to explode. And in my dream I remember being confused about why I was able to run so gracefully and easily. I woke up and was all, “Yeah, if it was actually like that I might enjoy it.” And that’s true. Cardio for me is just horrible. I feel like I’m going to die after just about 3 minutes. I can’t do it very long. And I just feel disgusting and floppy the entire time. I know that the only way for that to get better is for me to just keep at it and the reason I’m even writing this down is in the hopes that one day I WILL BE like that and readers will be able to read back into my archives and see that I started out just like everyone else and that it sucked, and I cried, and I wanted to give up.

This morning Edward had to run into work for a few hours so I’m gearing up to head back to the gym. They have a 15 minute killer abs class and an hour of yoga today which I miss so much. I’m going to try some interval running before that. Maybe trying intervals will help build my strength back up. It’s so frustrating to know that I used to actually like running and could run 5-7 miles easily. That makes it even more depressing when after five steps I feel like death now. And it amuses me even more that as I write this, runners are converging on my town for the Disney marathon. (I feel awful for them all because it is unseasonably FREEZING outside. There was actually a bit of snow last night. Yes you heard me right SNOW IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA.

I’ve become a really big fan of this new type of creamy green monster. (For those wondering, a green monster is a green juice or smoothie made with fruits and veggies that is super healthy.) I tried today to make the same one as yesterday and liked it even better. I think this is going to be my new go-to recipe. Thank God, because I have been trying these for years now and never had a recipe I was actually excited to have and didn’t have to choke down.

handful fresh spinach leaves
3/4 c. light vanilla soymilk
1/2 scoop vanilla soy protein powder
3/4 c. frozen peaches
1/4 c. frozen mango
1 green cube 1 red cube (read yesterday’s post if you’re curious about that)
drizzle of honey at the end

Have I mentioned how badly I have house fever right now? It’s maddening because I am not in a place to purchase a house right now. I don’t even know what city or what part of said city I want to settle in. I think it started because our landlord offered us one of his SUPER CUTE properties next year as rent to own which would actually be a pretty sweet situation for us. It’s an adorable little gingerbread-looking house close to where we live now and it’s on a really nice street. Ever since that night when he told us he’d love to sell it to us, I’ve been all HOUSES and CONSTRUCTION and DECORATING… OH MY! I even picked up Domino’s (RIP) Book of Decorating and have been flagging pages that I want to incorporate into my future home. Visions of little puppy feet and little baby feet and a sunny office are dancing through my head. But home-owning scares the begeesus out of me. All that commitment. Being stuck in that one place. What if something breaks? I guess that means I’m not ready yet. But I am ready for the demo and the construction and knocking down the back wall to make the mother-in-law suite part of the house. And landscaping. And painting. And adding trim and buying rugs… oh sweet hardwood floors, how I adore thee. Ok… I’ve gotta get my head out of the clouds and my ass to the gym.