Lunch… California Style

Lunch today: Green Machine on the rocks, California style “turkey” burger with spicy honey mustard to dip, ezekiel bread with barney butter + cinnamon + honey. (I have officially fallen for Barney. I could eat it all day.)

Now I’m going to attempt to run. This should be amusing. (For those watching my struggle, not so much for me.)


:-) :-/

So… the pants from 11th grade that I couldn’t even get over my hips… I got those on today. They fit. A bit snug, and a bit smooshy, but they went on easily and I didn’t have to threaten the zipper with sudden death. And the jeans… from 2 years ago, that were cutting off circulation to my upper body… now fit again. A bit tight, but in the sexy way. It’s a good feeling.

But… I’m still REALLY far from where I want to be. And that makes me a bit sad. Because I do miss being able to go out to dinner with friends. (Which I did today) It’s one of those things where you just have to weigh what’s more important to you and to me, it’s being able to feel attractive and comfortable in my clothes. So… I’ve been eating solids this weekend again and I think I’ll go back to liquid next week again. I need to go stock back up on soups because I’m all out. And on spinach, because I’m out of that too and those are kind of my staples. And this time I think I’m gonna make up a BIG batch of home-made veggie soup which is my favorite and will help keep my sodium lower.

I’ll check my measurements again probably at the end of next week. And we’ll keep doing the pants tests because scales suck and tape measures and clothes are much better estimates as far as I’m concerned.

A new discovery I’ve made… I’m a lush on a liquid diet. A very cheap date. I little glass of wine did me over today.

Happy weekend.


I’m down 5.25 inches! Dance party time! Measuring tape is waaaayyyyy better than a scale. I still haven’t stepped on the scale and I won’t until I can shimmy my arse into a particular pair of pants that go by the name of “Joe”. But… 5.25 inches is an exciting number on it’s own. (Sidenote: my bust measurement is actually up .5. Not sure what that means or how to feel about that. Hopefully that .5 is front and center and not hiding somewhere on my back.) It’s been about a week and a half of liquid dieting (taking the entire last weekend off) and pretty much no exercise except what’s involved naturally in my day. I just felt like too much of a flabby slob to run (hey, let’s just be honest here) and I had such a busy week that there was stuff scheduled during the times of my favorite gym classes (lamesauce). Excuses aside, I’m happy about what just food intake can change. I will admit, I’m hungry for solids. Mostly out of a boredom and comfort thing though (I keep thinking about potatoes covered in cheese), not just actual hunger. Actual hunger-wise, I’m really not feeling deprived. I drink all day and I’ve been eating warm soups which fulfill my cravings for salt. Oh, and did I mention that I’m doing these measurements during “that time of the month” so I may even be less if some water weight goes away next week. (Which, now that I’m thinking about it, may be why my bust magically grew. Oh well, of all the places I’m least worried about those babies growing if you know what I mean.)

My amazing running schedule plan to run a 10K this spring has not played out. I just am bad at committing to running when I feel so bad at it. And so floppy. We’ll see if I can kick my own butt enough to actually start it. I do have that shuffle now! 😉

Edward has been a bit frustrated by the lack of “together” dinners these last weeks but he is talking more and more about all the healthy things we wants to cook once I’m ready. We were in a bit of a funk but one of our favorite things has always been cooking together so I’m excited that he is excited for that again as well.

Liquid salvation…

Wow, that was a busy few weeks. Remember how about a week ago I said I was going to stop blogging about food? Well it worked. I decided to kick my body’s butt and go on a cleanse for the week. I’m doing it again this week and I’m feeling much better. And by much better I mean not completely like I have no control over my body. I think my body only responds well to dramatic changes. For example, when I first went vegetarian I instantly lost almost 15 pounds. Without any real change in my exercise. Dramatic. When I just eat cleaner foods and smoothies and oatmeal… nada. So while cutting the french fries and nachos is good for my heart, my body doesn’t seem to recognize the caloric difference. (I know, it goes against mathematics and science, and I’m just as confounded as you are.) So… I put my foot down. Liquid cleanse. 5 days of just liquids. No liquids were off limits although I tried to avoid calorie-loaded smoothies. And the result? Well I don’t know if I actually weigh less because I’ve banned myself from stepping on the scale but, my clothes fit a bit looser and I can see a difference in my belly. I went off the cleanse for the weekend because I was so busy that I couldn’t avoid solid foods for sustenance. And now I’m back on it for another 5 days. It feels really good, I’m not going to lie. I finally feel like I’ve got a grip, albeit a tiny one, on myself. I don’t know what was triggering my weight gain or my body’s resistance to losing it via working out and eating healthy in general. I think my body just needed a swift kick in the arse to reset itself. I’m hoping at least. I’m not sure how long I’ll continue. I may start adding in oatmeal for breakfast and veggies for dinner in the next few weeks but I’m trying to be strict with myself until I feel “reset”. My body seems to work best under close supervision. I’ve also recently discovered my immense love for almonds so I’m sure those will be popping back up eventually too. I’ve been wanting to do a week of eating only things made of veggies, just to see if I could do it. Maybe that will be my next challenge.

I’ll check in at the end of this week and let you know if and how my measurements have changed.

Meet the Green Machine Jr…

As much as a hate exercise, you’d think I wouldn’t be willing to shell out cash for things having to do with it but I do. And I did. Edward convinced me to get an ipod shuffle the other day because I usually take my iphone to the gym and he yelled at me for taking it into the sauna. (It’s not wet, I don’t understand the problem but whatev.) So… I got one. And I will admit that I’m a bit excited about it. Even though the thought of running right now makes me want to hide in the closet, I do like how the shuffle clips and I won’t have to worry about dropping it. (Which has happened on more than one occasion. You’d be surprised the amount of air those babies can get flying off the back of a treadmill.) My first ever ipod was a green ipod mini and I named it “The Green Machine”. So, to keep with tradition, I decided to name this one…

I will admit, I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m trying to maintain my composure as best I can but I’m just so sick of my body. I’m ready to throw it away. It seems to confound science and I’m just at the end of my rope with it. That being said, I’m not going to be writing about food for a little while. Because it makes me upset. Maybe a few days, maybe a week, maybe forever. I’ll keep talking about the journey and if I run (well) you know I’ll be here bragging about it. And in the mean time, I’ll keep perhaps posting recipes (when I actually make any… my schedule is insane for the next few months), and sharing what’s in my head. Hope that’s okay with everyone.

On dreaming of running, dreaming of a house, and that time I wanted to break up with exercise…

I’m not gonna lie. I HATE working out. Hate it. And I think I hate it because I suck at it. I had a dream last night that I was running. I was in full (fancy pants) running gear and I felt like I was flying. My legs felt long and lean and strong and my lungs weren’t burning. My chest didn’t feel like it was going to explode. And in my dream I remember being confused about why I was able to run so gracefully and easily. I woke up and was all, “Yeah, if it was actually like that I might enjoy it.” And that’s true. Cardio for me is just horrible. I feel like I’m going to die after just about 3 minutes. I can’t do it very long. And I just feel disgusting and floppy the entire time. I know that the only way for that to get better is for me to just keep at it and the reason I’m even writing this down is in the hopes that one day I WILL BE like that and readers will be able to read back into my archives and see that I started out just like everyone else and that it sucked, and I cried, and I wanted to give up.

This morning Edward had to run into work for a few hours so I’m gearing up to head back to the gym. They have a 15 minute killer abs class and an hour of yoga today which I miss so much. I’m going to try some interval running before that. Maybe trying intervals will help build my strength back up. It’s so frustrating to know that I used to actually like running and could run 5-7 miles easily. That makes it even more depressing when after five steps I feel like death now. And it amuses me even more that as I write this, runners are converging on my town for the Disney marathon. (I feel awful for them all because it is unseasonably FREEZING outside. There was actually a bit of snow last night. Yes you heard me right SNOW IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA.

I’ve become a really big fan of this new type of creamy green monster. (For those wondering, a green monster is a green juice or smoothie made with fruits and veggies that is super healthy.) I tried today to make the same one as yesterday and liked it even better. I think this is going to be my new go-to recipe. Thank God, because I have been trying these for years now and never had a recipe I was actually excited to have and didn’t have to choke down.

handful fresh spinach leaves
3/4 c. light vanilla soymilk
1/2 scoop vanilla soy protein powder
3/4 c. frozen peaches
1/4 c. frozen mango
1 green cube 1 red cube (read yesterday’s post if you’re curious about that)
drizzle of honey at the end

Have I mentioned how badly I have house fever right now? It’s maddening because I am not in a place to purchase a house right now. I don’t even know what city or what part of said city I want to settle in. I think it started because our landlord offered us one of his SUPER CUTE properties next year as rent to own which would actually be a pretty sweet situation for us. It’s an adorable little gingerbread-looking house close to where we live now and it’s on a really nice street. Ever since that night when he told us he’d love to sell it to us, I’ve been all HOUSES and CONSTRUCTION and DECORATING… OH MY! I even picked up Domino’s (RIP) Book of Decorating and have been flagging pages that I want to incorporate into my future home. Visions of little puppy feet and little baby feet and a sunny office are dancing through my head. But home-owning scares the begeesus out of me. All that commitment. Being stuck in that one place. What if something breaks? I guess that means I’m not ready yet. But I am ready for the demo and the construction and knocking down the back wall to make the mother-in-law suite part of the house. And landscaping. And painting. And adding trim and buying rugs… oh sweet hardwood floors, how I adore thee. Ok… I’ve gotta get my head out of the clouds and my ass to the gym.


On junk food poisoning, and monsters of the green persuasion…

Not even joking I think I had 24 hour junk food poisioning. “Is that a thing?” you ask. Well, hear me out and judge for yourself. Yesterday I felt fine all day. I don’t even remember what I ate during the day because the day just flew by (oh wait, I had oatmeal for lunch). I went out with some friends for sushi, had a business meeting afterward and came home feeling a bit drained. Then the headache started. A slight headache that grew to a full power beast of a headache. (Not quite a migraine, but it was chilling on the borderline.) Then I got revenously hungry. I made more oatmeal, had three bites and changed my mind about the whole oatmeal thing. I drank a big glass of water. I made some tea. Then I had some spinach dip hoping that some salt would ease the snacking jones. When it didn’t I resorted to some sugary cereal we had in the pantry from when we had family in town. And I sat on the sofa and ate half the box before I realized it. Ugh. About an hour later the headache was making my neck stiff and I just felt gross. My stomach hurt, I felt poisoned, I felt emotionally grouchy. And it hit me… the processed sugary food did it! I drank another glass of water because I was feeling parched then fell asleep.  I had the most fitful sleep waking up 3 times dying for water and drinking 3 glasses over the course of the night. Had crazy dreams. And woke up covered in sweat like I broke a fever. WTF? I really think it was the cereal. This past week I’ve been eating so healthfully. I’ve been having lots of whole foods, very little processed anything and I think the shock of all that refined, sugary crap did a number on me. I’m feeling better today but I decided to deal with the cold, turn on the heat, and make myself a big old green monster.

I seem to never be able to create the same monster twice. (Like lightning, if you will.) But this one was definitely very differnet from any other I’ve had. This was the most “green” tasting and also the creamiest. I liked it much more than I expected. Usually I try and smother the “green” flavor with fruit but not this time. Here’s the recipe if you want to try it yourself…

handful of fresh spinach leaves
2 green cubes, 1 red cube*
1/2 c. light vanilla soy milk
1/2 c. frozen peaches
a few frozen mango chunks
1/2 scoop vanilla protein powder
dash of honey

*The cubes are ice cubes of veggie juice that I made and froze. I do that whenever we have veggies I want to use up before they go bad and then I save them for smoothies later on so I can get some extra veggies in without having to juice them every day. I know that the nutrients aren’t as great as fresh but it’s better than having none, and it helps us save money because two juicings can give me 2-3 trays full of cubes and those last a while.

Green cubes generally have: cucumber, kale, green apple, celery, lemon

Red cubes generally have: beets, red apples, peaches, carrots

PS. I’m on twitter and I’d love to chat with you all over there.